Kaitlyn has been in some form of gymnastics since she was about 21 months old...the same age Landon is now. She loves it and I like that it helps build her gross motor skills. I want the same for Landon. I am going to sign him up at The Little Gym. I am excited to do this with him but I worry. Why? Let me tell you.
Heart babies can fall behind in gross/fine motor and speech. They spend a good deal of their life recovering...from catherizations of the heart, from surgery, from illnesses that hit them harder due to a weakended state, etc. They are just behind and I am totally OK with it. I am overjoyed at every small milestone he hits due to the same reason he is hitting them late. The fact that he is here with us on this Earth and hitting milestones, whenever it is that he hits them, is a miracle unto itself and I cherish them all. HOWEVER, it is hard when LJ is around a bunch of kids his age and the difference really shows. LJ doesn't care in the least. He is thrilled. BUT it bothers me. It shouldn't but it does. I feel the parents noticing his lack in skills. I feel them evaluating me as a parent. "I bet that kid sits in front of a TV all day." " I bet she works so much she barely takes time with her kids." Irrational? TOTALLY! Can I stop it? No. I want to rip off his shirt, show off his scar and show them all exactly everything he has been through. I want to share that he has been through more than people go through an entire lifetime and he isn't even two. I don't want the sympathy but I feel like I need to explain his past to everyone so that I don't feel judged. I also want them all to know so that they feel as proud of him as I do. That he now says "momma" feels a million times better than it would have had he not been through all he has. It's my own complex.
I will sign him up. I will take him. I won't rip his shirt off. I am sure it might come up eventually in small talk with other parents since it is a parent/tot class but I will sit back and try to enjoy the fact that my son is HERE. And not only here, but not in a hospital right now. Not hooked up to machines, not getting echos, not getting poked. He is HERE and enjoying running around like a toddler who has drank an entire can of Mountain Dew (no, he does not get soda or nor caffeine, this kid doesn't need artifical energy).
Yep, that's all.
1 comment:
I am so happy you are signing him up...he will have a great time. It is hard for us when our little ones are behind developmentally, but I am so thankful Hope is home that it makes little difference anymore. My sister-in-law has a little girl that was born 6 weeks after Hope and she is doing great...walking, talking, gaining weight...and sometimes I get really jealous. I want to see Hope walking, talking, and gaining weight. I want to be able to buy her earrings, but we can't get her ears pierced (which is something that made me break down when her cousin got a nice pair of earrings for Christmas). I know some days are harder than others and I know you don't spend your life thinking about all the things Landon can't do.
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