He doesn't look sick

If you really wanted to make my blood boil and tears come to my eyes between the dates of April 3, 2009 (LJ's bday) or about Feb 2010, you would have said the title of this post. I heard this alot after LJ left the hospital. By all accounts, if you looked at him, you would have no idea he was sick. He was 1 oz shy of 8 lbs when he was born a month early. He has big bright blue eyes and just really handsome (see below).

I always thought "that is a terrible thing to say...he is sick...he is pretty darn sick at that!!" It made me angry. I am not sure if it is because I felt they didn't grasp the intensity of his defects or if it just a constant reminder that he is sick. It was (and still is hard) to explain Landon's condition enough where the intensity was understood. Many are under the assumption that Landon will be or is fixed. That he is fine now that he had surgery. "Boy, it sure was scary when Landon was going through all of that...I am glad that is behind him now." Ouch. Again, it hurts, because he will never be "fixed." There is nothing that a Dr can make his heart better to the point where we will never have to worry ever again. Everday will be a contact check within my mind. How does he look? Anything blue? How is he breathing? Is it faster than normal? Wonder what his oxygen levels are? He will constantly be monitored and checked. Sometimes days will go by , sometimes weeks, before I will be reminded that he is more fragile than he will ever look.

Things have changed a bit since Feb 2010. The phrase "he doesn't look sick" doesn't quite anger me as much. I feel kind of happy about it because he DOES look great. He IS doing well right now and it is great to see. But it still stings. Only because it brings my head out of the clouds....I will alway say to myself "but he IS sick...he always will be."

I have an entire other post (maybe more) on the many things people have said that really aren't as nice...you would be suprised the comments that arise when you are due with/or have a sick child.